I completely lost myself in my marriage. Not on purpose. Sometimes you just become so involved in trying to be everything for everyone else that you lose yourself. I didn’t even know what I liked or who I was anymore. I was wife and mom. When I divorced my ex, I even lost the wife part.
I was mom.
I realized I was more introverted than I thought because I went everywhere with my kids and they were my safety net. If there was no one to talk to or I couldn’t think of anything to say, I played with my kids. If I met someone new, it was a parent of their friends.
I didn’t know how to be just me when there was no one else here. So began a process of trying new things whenever the opportunity arose. There have been a few great ones so far and I may post them here but there are so many to come.
With this type of confusion, often comes loneliness. Especially when you are having such discord (never in front of the kids) with your ex.
I was going through a patch about a month ago, airing some of my frustrations but not all, when my fellow Brighton High School alum, amazing artist and friend, Sean Carolin (facebook page), posted a picture of an amazing strong female warrior he was working on. Half-heartedly and full of wishful thinking, I asked him “Will you make me a superhero? Lol”. His reply, “I could!”
So began the process of him asking me questions I hadn’t really thought about. Outfit (leather!), super powers (protecting myself and everyone I care about), favorite characters (I’m a marvel girl but I’m also girly), background (just make me a badass)…and so on. I was completely kept in the loop and asked frequently what I thought. The final reveal (over the most delicious Korean food and awesome conversation) was tonight and I couldn’t be more excited.
I’m an honest to God real, badass warrior.
Now, Belle, is my favorite Disney Princess. She’s brunette, smart, loves to read, nice, sees the beauty in others, isn’t all fluff but can rock a dress. However, I’m also a Marvel Superhero, loving girl.
This art piece completely encompasses me as a whole. It’s like I was up in my castle (or cute, small single family home) and someone I love needed me so here I go, off to help, but not before I put on my leather jumpsuit with built in 6-pack.
This is just another example of putting myself out there. If I wouldn’t have taken a chance and asked (as my dad always says “It never hurts to ask”), I wouldn’t now have this picture which makes me feel strong and like I can handle absolutely anything thrown at me. Sometimes we have so much thrown at us at once, we feel like we’re drowning, being dragged deeper and deeper with no end in sight….
that’s when I’ll grab my sword.