Life · Parenting · Relationships

He held my hand

I had a very difficult funeral to attend to this last weekend. I haven’t had anything extremely difficult like this happen since my divorce. While I don’t believe I “need” a man in my life, not having a support system at a time like that, isn’t something I’d thought about until I was sitting there listening to and crying about the amazing person that left this world.

My ex husband and I both knew this person and his family well so we agreed to drive the girls and I to the service to show solidarity to the family that the remembrance of this person was bigger than any bs my ex and I have gone through and that we can be bigger people around each other and for each other when it counts.

I was sitting in between my daughters with my mom on the left and my ex on the right.

Well during an emotionally charged song that was playing, through my plethora of tears, I reached out and took my mom’s hand on my left, and with a gusto of courage, I took my ex’s hand in the other hoping he didn’t retreat.

He didn’t.

He clasped my hand and squeezed back.

About 10 minutes later, I moved my hand to get another kleenex. After I wiped my eyes, he reached out for my hand again for the rest of the service.

After we got back home, I hugged him and said thanks for the support and we went on our way.

It’s times like these that are so important to remember that we were once there for each other in sickness and in health. While the “til death do us part” portion didn’t pan out, we still spent more than a decade supporting each other and doing what we could to be each other’s rocks.

In doing so we also showed our girls that, just like when we were married, we may fight but we still take care of one another. There have been some really rough times between us as we’ve learned this divorced/two-house route, but we’re figuring it out one day at a time and that’s what matters.

There was something extremely comforting that in times like those we could still count on each other to be the other’s rock. We have more support around us than we think and often times in some of the last places we’d think to find it. Sometimes we just need to be the first one to put it out there.

Fitness · Life · Relationships

Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

Life · Relationships

What everyone should know about their significant other and what I learned too late.

Does this situation sound familiar?

Husband walks in the door, wife is instantly annoyed because husband is late from work and has thrown his socks on the floor tired from his long day. Wife says “Thanks a lot. Now I have to pick those up AGAIN,” under her breath. Husband becomes annoyed because the last thing he wants is to be nagged straight when he gets home and counters with “Seriously? This again?”

All of this could be prevented and especially before it gets worse. If husband knows socks on the floor are a hot topic, why are they on the floor? The kind act would be to place them where they don’t then have to be picked up. When wife made the snide remarks about his socks, it instantly made husband feel defensive escalating the conversation.

Here’s another situation. Husband walks in the door and places socks in the hamper knowing wife likes that. Wife says “Thanks for keeping those picked up. That means a lot to me,” adding positive reinforcement to his kid act. Husband gives wife a huge kiss and kids shout “gross!” from across the room. Beautiful, right?

Both set off by each choosing one small change.

Reading The 5 Love Languages, by Gary D. Chapman, recommended to me by a good friend (Thanks Dawn!), has completely changed my perspective on my past marriage and all relationships (including my kids, close friends, and family). 

It states that there are 5 love languages which are “spoken”. Many people have more than one. 

1. Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.

2. Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.

3. Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.

4. Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.

 

Physical touch? I’m not going to go too deeply into this one since you can use your imagination for most of it, but a back or foot rub after a long day is a big one that gets overlooked. Holding hands more and making sure to get small kisses in more often. It’s too easy to let each day go by and not set time aside for the small things in this one because of work, kids, and housework and remember… “Hugs… release oxytocin, the bonding hormone that appears to build trust, reduces fear, and increase compassion and generosity.” Sounds good to me!